Regret: a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.
We can always look back and say "what if." We can play out different scenarios for different situations and different choices. However, we can’t truly understand or know how we would feel or how situations would have played out if we would have made a different choice.
When a woman chooses to place her child for adoption she is doing what is best for her child at that moment. Her reason is hers alone. It is personal and it is emotional.
Birth mother and adoption community leader, Ashley Mitchell, says it best:
"Two people came together and created a life that no other two people on the planet could create … a life that was not meant to be anywhere else. But in the throes of all that surrounds this circumstance, a choice was made. A choice made by the same two people that created this life. Adoption was brought to me and here we stand today.
Derek is an amazing, magical, smart, funny, brave, compassionate and loving kid! And his parents are two of the most God-like, loving people I have ever had the honor of knowing. And they are his parents in every sense of the word!
Knowing what I know now, you will never convince me that I was not enough, that they are better for him, that this was right BUT you will never convince me that [adoption] ISN’T right either!! I am so deeply blessed by our open adoption relationship, even through grief, even through silence, even through doubt … 13 years later we are still standing, still showing up for each other, still showing our humanity. And God continues to work around us, with us and through us.
If you EVER doubt my heart let me be very clear: I don’t believe it is always right, but I do believe that choosing to place my son for adoption was the right choice and it made me the woman I am today, and for that, I will always be grateful. I know without a doubt in my heart that we can love well, and Derek knows he is loved, and I know I am seen and loved and they know how much I love them for being his family."
Will there be moments that you might regret your decision to place your child for adoption? Maybe. Will there be days that grief is harder? Yes. Does that take away from the beauty or purpose of your choice to place your child for adoption? NO!
If you find yourself wrestling with regret or the potential of regret, please give us a call and one of our options counselors would be happy to speak with you about it. Our counselors have years of experience and have seen many different adoption stories. We also have women here who have walked the same path you are considering, and they would be happy to give you words of advice or encouragement.
Remember that you are not alone and you are loved.